Alone
by The Innocent Dahlia
Summary: Edward is in South Africa dealing with the pain of letting Bella go. He’s plagued by a presence that always seems out of his reach.
1. Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight because the world sucks!

**EPOV**

Here I sit by myself in a dark cabin. They say ignorance is bliss, I say it's Hell. Any activity that I had had even after my so called "rebirth" had diminished into nothing. It had been two months since I'd seen Bella, heard her voice or sniffed her scent. There was a dead numbness in my veins now and nothing could fill it. Over the weeks I had spent with my family, I had noticed that they too had become as depressed as I was. Whether that was due to Jasper's inability to change any emotion was a mystery to me. What was not, however was that I had made an indescribable mistake and I would do anything in my power or other wise to erase it and fix it. This I knew I could not do. The damage was done and repair seemed impossible. Even if I did go back to her now, what would she think?

I had left her; told her she was nothing when it was all a lie. I felt almost frustrated. The one time that I wanted her to fight back and be stubborn she didn't! I had counted on that so much. Counted on her not believing a word I said so that I'd have to bring her with me and never have Bella leave my side again yet…she gave up. It was like my words had drained her of all life.

I laughed, but what I laughed at wasn't funny. I had drained her in a sense. Bella brought the subject up while she was on the hospital. I winced at the memory. How could she ask me to do that? Why would she?

_"Because she loves you asshole!" _Lately, I'd been having conversations with myself due to the fact that I had ostracized myself from my family.

"Nope. You've got it wrong. If- no, there was never an 'if' about the love Bella and I used to share."

"My God Edward! Are you that blind, really? Bella is probably pinning away. She'll be doing better than you though." I stopped then and concentrated on the life around me.

Ooops! In forgot. In my quest to wallow in my own self-pity, I sought out no human life. Even the wildlife that thrived in South Africa seemed scarce.

"You are an asshole." A thought other than mine rang out. Immediately, I jumped off of the cabin floor and walked outside. The sun was starting to go down. I tried to catch a scent of South Africa. Very faint in the wind I heard a twinkling laughter. Was it possible for a vampire to go insane? I would think so.

For several hours., that laugh would sail on the wind randomly. A few times I would think Bella was laughing and smile at the thought.

A/N: Hello! If you like this story REVIEW. If you don't REVIEW! Check out my other stories!


	2. Temporary Insanity Maybe Permanent

Disclaimer: When Edward finally does go insane, then I will own this!

**A/N: Ello pplz! So, here are some songs to check out that helped me with this story. Temporary Insanity ( Alexz Johnson) and You Gotta Be (Des'ree) They are really awesome and the check out (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party) By the awesom-licious Beastie Boys. I would put up a link, but sadly i do not know how to. If u guyz wanna help me out I'd luv u 4ever!**

**Li-li**

**EPOV**

"So, you really don't know who I am, do you?" I groaned for what seemed like the millionth time.

"No." I stated tiredly. For three weeks-three fucking weeks! - I endured this girl's thoughts. I had given up on finding her and simply lie there, going slightly more insane everyday.

"Aw!" She whined, "You're hurting my feelings Eddie-kins!"

"Are you Alice?" I asked. For a moment I was intrigued by the silence ad then she answered.

"Aw, pooh!"

"So you're Alice!" I cried excitedly.

"Maybe. If you're tired of being at your wit's end, sure!"

"So, you are not Alice?"

"Oh, use some imagination! If you think I'm Alice, then I am. If you think I'm not Alice, then I still am…or not, whatever!" I jumped up off my back and walked outside. Once again, the sky was darkening.

"Stop!" I pleaded "Enough with the riddles and mind games. Just…" I sighed. "I'm sorry okay! Yes, I am an asshole! Yes, I should go back to her. But I can't!"

"Why can't you?" This time a voice rang out. She sounded pissed. I was about to answer before getting angry myself.

"Who are you to do this to me?!"

"Oh, puh-lease!" She shrieked. "I've seen every single, memory thought, lie, and event that has ever happened to you. I sit and watch you pine away with guilt, frustration, and a hell lot more. Then, I wonder about that poor girl and both of your families. Who are you to get up and desert the ones who love and care for you? Who are you to make such a terrific woman keep a promise, when you've kept one or two of yours?" I was silent and she went on.

"Notice most of the time I don't use the past tense. Love and care. They all still love you. I'm sure your mother is ready to rip your eyes out, but she still love's you. Why? I don't know. I haven't known you that long- and this may be the reason- but I would've disowned your ass. So, tell you what. I will leave _you. _You've grown accustomed to my presence so I want to see you go insane. Even though you already are. Good-day."

"Wait-" I protested.

"I said good-day!" And with that there was nothing. The silence, right then drew me closer to the edge than the girl did. I crept back inside the cabin and closed my eyes. If I slept then that meant I was dead. If I didn't…well, then it's another day in Hell isn't it?

**Edward's…conscious thingy**

I paced and paced and paced and paced till my feet were sore. I wanted nothing more than to watch Edward squirm and wriggle; trying to banish me from his thoughts while figuring out who I was and if he was insane or not. Honestly, I felt sorry for him. Even if he was the cause of his own misery. I understood to a certain degree the pain he was in; again even if he was the main cause.

From what I've seen, that girl of his-Bella- can take care of herself. Sure she's made some dumb choices, we all have, but she came through, stronger, wiser, bolder, and et cetera. In the end he'd listen to me and go back to his life. The barren parts of South Africa weren't meant for those who were loved or are still loved

I'm here because I have no one. I kinda serve as a…hallucination. While people thought they were crazy and upset, I talked to them and eventually, to escape me, this so called "paradise", they listened to me and left. And like every good fairy tale, there's a happily ever after. With Edward, however, I knew it would be a completely different sort of story. And I wasn't so sure about the happy ever after.


	3. Listen to the Hokey Pokey?

Alone

**EPOV**

I've been in South Africa for a while. A month now, I think. This month had given me a lot to think about. Mainly religious wise. I no longer believed in heaven or hell. This, as far as I'm concerned, is hell. Now, I do believe in God…and his friends like Buddha or whatever. To me, just one Being creating all of this…come on now. He had to have some help. Religion is just a group of people that were created by a person or group of the same belief. Hence the reason for so many values and opinions and stuff like that.

For the people that would be called atheists and don't believe in any of this crap (including the Big Bang) but believe in creatures such as myself; someone just got lazy and said screw it. Another theory is that when you die, you go to this really crowded lobby like in movies, and you wait to be evaluated. You're either a God/Goddess, a fictional being, a sort of ghost, or you just die.

So, now that they've got enough of those god thingies, that category is closed and those god thingies decide the fate of everything and have a council or whatever. The main god though…well, that's God for some reason. Of course there are other theories. Let's turn to science for a moment. It explains so much, and answers so little.

So, if the Big Bang created our galaxy…what about the others? There had to be something to make up the darkness, something to make up the atoms and molecules and all these element things floating around. Naturally, we're just never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever; ever find out the secret of the universe because the one question that cannot be answered is, why. Why this, why that, why anything? For some reason however, we all feel the need to know what's going on, when I say who cares?

I certainly don't. We should all just lay back and enjoy the view of how sucky and unfair this life is. They say you only get one chance. Why? If you're alive you have no idea what's on the other side. We just go on the people with near death experience and then what? Exactly. See, that's why they call it _near_ death experience. You're near it but you're not fully close enough to know what the Hell goes on when you die. It's just so much easier to follow a book or believe in your imagination to scare yourself shitless at times. Yep, that's what it's all about. Hokey pokey! Actually, the hokey pokey sounds very fun right now.

So, I lay here singing the hokey pokey in my head and not really caring if anything enters the room. If I die that second, what's going on around me, because none of it matters. There's really only one thing that matters and it's pretty clear I screwed that up big time.

_"Oh my goodness, Edward please stop. This is pathetic. If I'd had known you would've lost your mind completely like this…I would've stayed." _ The voice rang out in my head and messed up my song.

_"Are you my conscious?" _I thought.

_"What!? Edward…I'm." _The voice died away then came back _"Yes, I'm your…ugh, conscious. We haven't spoken in a while. How are you?" _

_"Well, I don't know you're my conscious shouldn't you be telling me? You know the whole inner sight and whatnot."_

_"Good point, but I don't pay attention anymore. You're actually kind of boring."_

_"Now see, that's what I said. You know this reminds me of Finding Nemo."_

_"Huh, does it?"_

_"Yes. Very much so."_

_"How?"_

_"I dunno. You're the inner voice." _

_"Unfortunately." _

_"I wonder what Bella's doing right now."_

_"I can guarantee you she's not singing the Hokey Pokey."_

_"Well, I am sorry if I am in touch with my inner child."_

_"Inner child?"_

_"Yes." _

_"Have you officially lost your mind."_

_"I think I have. Ever since that one chick stopped tormenting me or whatever, there's just really nothing to do. No mystery, no-" _My inner voice cut me off.

_"No family, no Bella, no love, no hurt, no pain, no nothing. Am I right?"_

_"You're on the right track." _

"_Okay good. Now, I'm going to help you out here. Look over at the door."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because I said so and I'm your inner voice!" _ I groaned and rolled over on my elbow. Leaning against the doorway was a shadowy figure. The pink sky behind her shone and the sun stayed behind a tree. I jumped up and was in front of the figure in less than a second.

"Who are you?" I breathed.

"Aw, come on Eddie. Is that anyway to treat your inner voice?"


	4. What About You?

**A/N: SORRY EVERYBODY! I know, I haven't updated in over three weeks. I've been swamped with work and everything. Anyways, good news. 1.) I updated/ ******** 2.) My swim team has gone 4-0 3.) I am going 2 b in a movie. And 4.) U R ALL GOING 2 REVIEW! Lol. Anywayz, I will update all day today (hopefully) and tomorrow. **

**Edward's "Conscious" POV**

The look on Edward's face was priceless! I believe that I really have undone his mind completely. His eyes took on a glassy look and it was all I could do not to laugh. He just looked so helpless. I could not wipe away the smirk on my face. This was just too funny. I guess it wasn't funny for Edward, however. He looked at me for a few seconds more before going to sit in the corner of the small room. It was utterly pathetic. If I hadn't felt so bad for the poor guy, I'd slap him.

Instead, I walked over and slid down next to him.

"So," I started out. "How's it going?" There was a moment of a rather awkward silence before he spoke up.

"I've gone. Completely. Mad."

"Oh, no you haven't. Not yet anyway, if you stay here any longer I can guarantee that you will not only go insane, BUT, you will miss out on the best thing that has happened to you." The silence came back once again.

"You shouldn't talk about something you know nothing about."

"Sadly, you are wrong Edward Anthony Mason Cullen," he stiffens at his full name. "Your every thought is of home, that girl, and some other things that are important to this conversation."

"You are very nosey."

"I am not!" I practically shout. "How do you think I feel when I'm in this beautiful happy place and then some troubled soul comes along, ruining everything? Every single thought or idea pops into my head like a freaking ad! And then the talking-ugh! So, my good man, if anyone here is being nosey or bothersome it is you."

"Well, for one I never called you bothersome," _You might as well have. _I think silently. 'And you try to get everyone to go home or wherever they belong so as they don't go insane," I am not liking where this is going.

"Are you alone?" he asks slowly.

"Yes." I say without hesitation.

"Some people would call that hypocrisy."

"Yes they would." Another moment of silence follows.

"Do you have a family?"

"No. I have been an orphan my entire life. And then some." I realize what I've just said and instantly regret it. If Edward has noticed that last bit he makes no notice and continues.

"What happened?"

"How should I know? I'm the orphan Annie. But enough of me, you need to get outta here." When he says nothing I laugh. "Yeah, most people can't change the subject easily with me." Edward let's out a sharp laugh which takes me by surprise.

"Dazzle people." He says more to himself than to me.

"I'm sorry?" I ask.

"Bella, she used to say I dazzle people." I ponder this for a while as he stares off into space. For the first time in a long time I feel something. What that something is…I don't know or can't remember. It's in his features though. This, longing, sadness. I can't describe it. I move to leave and he turns his head to me.

"You're not human are you?" Edward asks.

"Well, duh!" I answer. "Obviously." He rolls his eyes and then looks a bit more closely.

"You're not a vampire either."

"Nope." Another pause.

"Then what are you?" This question burns a hole in my chest and I wish that the answer I give him wasn't true.

"I don't know." Without another word I turn and walk away. There's really nothing left to say and I didn't accomplish what I wanted anyway. As I step out into the cool air, memories break through a barrio that I've built from nothing. Some are Edward's, most are mine. When they start to fade away I stop and think about what just happened and wonder if Edward saw anything.

**A/N: remember: REVIEW PPL. And any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated! **


	5. Postponation

**A/N: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SORRY EVERYBODY! I know, I haven't updated in a while. And I'm sorry to say that everything's going to b on hol djust because it's been really hectic my writer's block sucks as does my life and not a lot of reviews so.....again sorry. And there is a poll on my profile so PLEASE DO THAT! u can pick up to 2 stories**

**remember: . And any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated! **


	6. Resentment

**EPOV**

I sat outside looking at the horizon. The sun beat down on me and I could see the area around me sparkling. I kept thinking about the person that seemed to be in my head at all times. Bella and home were what I always thought of no matter how hard I tried. Today was different though, it seemed as if, for once, they weren't in my mind anywhere. Trying to think about them was casual and then they'd be gone.

What I was thinking about confused me. This… "conscience" of mine…why was she here? What was she? I stared into the dirt, going through the past few days and kept coming up blank. It was more than frustrating, and the fact that I couldn't do anything made me even angrier.

_"Oh, can you pleeeaaase calm down? You are giving me a headache and messing up __my__ concentration."_

"Am I? Very sorry, it wasn't intentional." I stated bitterly.

_"It's ok. I know you can't help it. You know, most girls would find it flattering to know that a guy couldn't get them out of their minds. I, on the other hand, can't stand it for the sheer fact that I can never get __them__ out of my mind."_

"Then why don't you leave?" I asked. She laughed and her voice/thoughts got lighter.

_"Now, Edward darling, you know better than I that no matter where I go there will be voices."_ The last word echoed and sizzled away like mist.

"Why can't I hear your thoughts?"

_"I think you've asked me this before. Either that or you thought it so yea…um, I learned to shut my thoughts out from anyone that could read possibly read them."_

"How?"

_"If I told you that then my fun would be ruined. Besides, I did it on accident and can't explain it."_

"Can't or won't." Silence.

_"Both."_ She finally said. "Oh, btw, turn around."

"Why?"

"Guess." This time the voice wasn't in my head.

"Do you get some sick type of pleasure from this?

"A little, not really. You're the one who should. Aren't you a masochistic lion?" She laughed and I gritted my teeth together. "I'm sorry. That was mean but when I saw that I think I died from laughing."

"Sadly, you're still here."

"Ouch, that hurt."

"Boo hoo." The girl circled me and I just stood there drained of everything.

"Now I am mad at you." I sat down again and laughed.

"Haha, what did I do this time?" She knelt down in front of me and cocked her head to the left.

"You honestly don't remember my face? You don't remember me?" I stared at her and nothing clicked.

"No. Am I supposed too?" She stood up and kicked dirt in my face. "That was very rude."

_"You know, I haven't changed that much. I haven't changed at all really. Maybe it's been a long time? No, that's bull. Sixty years goes by like a minute to vamps."_

"Do you know the true definition of the word vamp?"

_"Yes, and I don't care. I don't know why I'm trying to help you get everything you had back when you took everything away. And it may have been an accident but it changes nothing." _I started taking things seriously then.

"What are you talking about? None of this makes any sense." A snarl ripped through my mind and I felt myself flinch.

_"Think a little harder. All those things you repressed; unrepress them." _

"That's not a word."

_"That dark little door that you've managed to keep closed somehow; open it. Now." _

With that images came rushing back to me and the life that I had led before and after my change played in front of my mind. _How is she able to do this._

_"That's an excellent question. Maybe you can answer it for me if you remember." _I tried to think and remember but her face and what ever I did to her did not come to the surface.

"I'm sorry but there's nothing here; I'm—"

"You're not doing the best you can." She stood in front of me and looked me in my eye. How the hell did she get taller? "Until you get it; I'm going to let you rot here. You think you know what hell is? Please. You haven't seen hell." With that she was gone. Then a name that seemed familiar popped into my head. Rachel. Was that her name?

_"Yea it was. It still is." _Ok then. Now I needed to figure out how I knew Rachel. And what I had done to her.


End file.
